Anxiety and Confidence Can Coexist

This is hugely personal to me.

I am a high-functioning anxious AND confident human being.

Always have been, for as long as I can remember.

Is that because I am the firstborn? Because I have an overthinking disposition? Because I hate doing anything wrong so much that even the possibility of it causes me significant stress? Or is it because my big three in astrology are known for their overthinking tendencies? Hello Virgo rising, Gemini sun and Aquarius moon.

Who knows.

What I do know, is that contrary to a common misconception, I am also extremely confident. In fact, it is one of my strengths.

You can put me on stage in front of thousands of people and I come to life. Ask me to meet new people or host key figures, and I thrive. Or, even put me on the spot and I will usually produce my best work.

However, none of that means I do not also experience anxiety.

I have recently witnessed multiple conversations where I hear assumptions made that if you have anxiety, your confidence is negatively impacted.

I have observed and also been on the receiving end of statements such as;

“I don’t believe you have anxiety. You’re too confident”

Or, “You have anxiety? Really? I would never have known”

I understand why some people may be surprised that confidence and anxiety can co-exist. Confidence is visible and usually a trait you can see in someone. Anxiety often is hard to spot in someone currently experiencing it.

People see me speak, lead and communicate with conviction. They don’t typically see me when I’m “pickling” (a nickname gifted to me by my husband).

When someone doubts my anxiety, I find myself responding with even more confidence. That confidence is not a mask. It is my genuine confidence being recruited to explain another equally real and important part of me.

I think we can assume that is where some of the confusion begins. Anxiety and confidence can be treated as though they live at opposite ends of the same scale. Almost as if, the more you have of one, the less you have of the other. But, they do not describe the same thing.

In my personal experience, anxiety is an internal state. It can make my mind and body behave as though something needs my urgent and immediate attention, even when the threat I’m responding to has not happened, and honestly, may never exist.

Confidence exists in a shell in and around me. It is the self-belief that allows me to command a room, lead with conviction, and quietly guide individuals with meaningful connection.

Sometimes, my anxiety and confidence do more than coexist. They work together.

I read a room like no other. I notice the tiny micro-movements, small changes in someone’s behaviour and mild shifts in body language. I can often sense when someone’s motivational state has changed and I’m able to consider what they may need from me or from the situation. It is truly a strength of mine.

My anxiety heightens my attention.

My confidence helps me act on what I notice.

I often see this clearly when I am delivering behavioural training to teams of people.

During self-awareness profiling (one of my favourite subjects to explore with humans), there are moments when I can see a participant’s relationship with themselves begin to change as they read. Reflection and sometimes concern takes over. Words written in black and white can start to feel like fact, as though a profile has delivered a fixed verdict on who they are. As a facilitator it is critical that you gently guide someone through self-awareness tools and profiles. These outputs can fundamentally impact how someone feels about themselves, and worst case, impact their identity.

Because I notice the shift, I can respond to it and guide them through managing their internal dialogue. The aim is not to dismiss the profile, but to help them interpret it as part of a fuller and truer understanding of themselves, one they can accept and apply rather than feel confined by.

In my work, I help people avoid reducing themselves to a label. Which is why I’m passionate that we do not assume labels for others.

I am very comfortable saying I have anxiety, and I am confident. But, those things do not define me.

My anxiety sharpens my awareness, contributes to my drive and helps me create meaningful experiences for other people. It can also exhaust me, occupy my thoughts and make my body carry threats that are not there.

My confidence allows me to lead, speak and respond. It also helps me advocate for the anxious part of myself when someone else cannot see it.

Both are true.

The more useful question, then, may not be how someone can possibly be anxious and confident at the same time. It may be what we fail to understand about a person when we assume one visible quality tells us everything about their internal world.

Anxiety does not mean a lack of confidence.

Confidence does not mean an absence of anxiety.